One of the wild dreams (but it was not that wild!) I had but didn't execute was going Antarctica as a scientific researcher.

Being an ardent and energetic math and physics undergrad, I wanted to explore non-traditional path to be a research scientist. Having studied theoretical sciences, immediate job prospect was not clear after graduation and I wanted to experience the real world before going the graduate school.

With a deep interest in Astronomy and scientific computation of mathematical tools, I searched national scientific laboratories all over America to apply and develop my interest. Several my ex-classmates located positions in remote research outposts in such as Africa, Alaska, Antartica, somewhere in desert or high mountains, and they were talking time to come with new position with eagerness.

I was not interest in computer field at all, although I used quite extensively in developing astronomical and physical tools. So rather than heading for San Jose for the typical job, I thought it would be more exciting and healthy to get a research post in remote area where I could watch sky and stars without the distraction of city lights.

I forgot to mention some background about this. I think it was around 1985-86 when I thought about it, and most of my classmates were math and physics students with mutual interest in astronomy and science fictions.

As for astronomers and sky-watchers, such a remote observation post is heaven to work on. As for natural scientists who studies plants, geography, animals and insects, any part of the Earth is a subject. But for astronomers who study where we can't go, their option of location is enormously limited, as there are only a few telescopes which shouldn't get distractions of the city lights.

Being stationed in remote area, their social life is limited and stressful as there's almost no human interactions other than few colleagues they have to reside together for several months. But they can work on what they like and enjoy. It seemed really romantic and worthy.

I started apply for a couple of positions which were time-consuming and required me to pass several tests, including physical exams and psychology tests. Emotional stability was very important as without it one can't fight with oneself to endure the harsh living conditions. I was pretty much decided to go to Antarctica as an research staff until I questioned myself why should I go to that remote place.

Until that point I thought it would be a right choice, but then I couldn't answer why I should leave this comfortable, mundane place here for that deserted land. Until that point I looked for a position I wanted, but didn't think about the location. I found no reasons to escape this place to get away. Suddenly I felt that it was like avoiding the realities to face.

I forgot how I felt exactly at that time. Yeah it's over a decade ago and I don't want to search notebooks and diaries in my archives at this point. I felt I could get many opportunities other than that.

That's when my high energy in astronomy and science fictions began weakened drastically. Since then I read about it only occasionally. I even lost most of contacts with my friends and classmates at that time. Now looking back, it just remind me of "Good Old Days".

It was really good then. I was very sincere and enjoyed every minutes with friends talking and discussing what we were studying.

If I had gone to Antarctica and followed an academic track in astronomy, my course of life would have been totally different from where I visited so far. Since then I've occasionally felt that I made a right decision of not going Antarctica. There's no right or wrong in it; it just happened. Now I'm really curious why I suddenly changed my mind.

(June 3, 1998)