One of the wildest dreams I've had since my teens was traveling through the Silk Road for a year or two just to experience the new world. During my high school days, like many my peers I got very much interested in Chinese history and philosophy. I devoured quite a number of books on the subject, and someone twisted my direction to change to Altaic Studies. I can't remember now who they were, and keep thinking hard on them to recover any memories left about them.

I'm pretty sure they were my peers and a couple of years my seniors with whom I used to hang around at that time, but lost contact since then; they were well-knowledged to know which direction to head for. There's little memories about them which live with me, although I still vividly remember what they taught me realized (and enlightened) to shape my thinkings.

After learning Chinese history and philosophies, although I (and many fellow Koreans, I guess) felt dwarfed by it and I kept reading about it. But "How come our ancestors were not Chinese?" kept bugging me quite a while. I discussed it with friends, and none came up with suggestions other than them, whom I forgot who they were.

What they taught me which I was not realized until then, was that we Koreans might be the descendants of Altaic people, not the Chinese, although our ancestors were greatly influenced by the Chinese cultures in every aspect of life such that our Altaic heritages were rooted out over centuries.

To know who I am, find who we are; to find where we came from, understand our ancestors; to analyze our ancestors; trace where they came from. After peeling off Chinese heritages, going for Altaic and Mongolian heritage would be the ultimate goal for Koreans.

There's many ways to anaylize the society: culturally, politically, economically, anthropologically, scientifically, linguistically and so on. One way to see through the linguist's tools, and they explained and persuaded me logically and forcefully. I can't forget the moment of realization (and enlightenment) which put me into a kind of coma and fever for several days.

Even though there's a realization (or enlightenment), I had to concentrate on school works to prepare for the entrance exam to the university. Waiting to get into the college was the only thing I could do at that time to make dream come true. I didn't do any further investigations while in high school, I think which is normal, and didn't have any other sources to develop the dreams as I lost contact with them soon after.

After getting into the university, there's new challenges and tryouts which were more challenging than studying Altaic languages. Hardly any trials were exercised to accomplish investigating Altaic languages except dreaming about travelling through the silk road. I could manage to get travel documentaries (by the Japanese scholars and authors) to silk road and along the boundaries of which is China now. As for a twenty-year-old in Korea, dreaming and planning on going abroad for a year or two was a giant leap in thinking at that time.

In 1980, I immigrated into America and settled in Los Angeles area, which started a new era of experiences and a beginning of my twenties. Whatever I tried to dream of was more feasible than my teens and when I lived in Korea. Travelling through silk road was at hand as soon as I save enough money, but that was not my priority at that time.

Studying mathematics and physics got me the most enjoyment and pleasure, and I'm totally happy with that now. Silk road and Altaic languages were not forgotten at all and were stashed in the plans. Occasionally I searched the subject to broaden my knowledge, but it never became a serious one for me.

Even so, I planned in details how I might want to travel through the silk road and the southern and western perimeter of China visiting various minority ethnic groups (as Chinese puts, although I don't call that way), and acquired the some reading knowledge of several languages of the people hoping that those might be useful someday. It became like a wick of a candle to keep the light flaming, but couldn't be an objective itself. With the area map hanging on the wall, I charted which paths I might have to take along with the supplementary information on people of the area, and what I want to learn from there. Even thinking about it made me hilarious.

After graduation and having a comfortable job, it became a matter of choice for me to go there and see it myself. With an American passport, there won't be any restrictions on visiting the area; with some money saved, the expenses was not a problem at all; with education and socializing, the degree of maturity and knowledge became stable to make a decision. When it was almost impossible for me to go there (while I was in high school and in Korea), it was a dream to make it come true. When it became a reality that I could go any time I wanted to, the question arose whether I should really go there to peel off the dreams which was covering the harsh conditions of the people living there.

I visited China several times in the mean time, and didn't expect to see anything new in China. I realized clearly that I couldn't see the area as I wanted to see through the history books, but would see the people barely making lives there. Furthermore I was not obligated to go there. With the enough sources to go there, I could postpone visiting there.

I went back to school to study Altaic languages. I just wanted to try something new to get away from the boredom of working project to project to make a living. I had more sources and chances to follow my high school dream, but avoid doing field studies over there. As for writing papers, the libraries in Berkeley and Peking had the vast sources of information, so my physical existence there was not needed. I also had the direct contacts with people from those areas. That made me less energetic to visit there. My illusions about it was almost evaporated.

I could have been there to do field studies to collect linguistic data on various dialects. I could have been there to take pictorial data on arts and architectures on various periods. Or I could have been just there to have pictures taken with locals to show others that I visited so many different parts of the globe. But I didn't feel comfortable breaking the comfortable life I was enjoying at that time to go to the not-well-known world.

And I was not sure what I wanted to see there. A few people from the area came here and they didn't want to go back there. During my intermittent visits there, what I saw was the harsh conditions of people living there, sand and ruins. Although I understand scholar's job is to excavate the importance from those, it seemed too harsh and barren. I'm not talking about the physical atmosphere; what I'm saying is people's mind. Any kind of physical obstacles can be overcome. But the mind-blocked head can't be easily freed by anyone. I concluded that I or anyone who is interested in the subject have to wait until the time is ready. That condition includes social, economical, cultural and political factors.

I felt I was obliged to state in my own words about it seeing through the Korean living and educated in America to introduce the different perspective into the field. But studying mathematics, sciences and computer graphics gave me more fun, satisfaction and rewards both emotionally and financially.

While in Berkeley, I firmly decided not to continue studying Altaic languages, although I keep interests in it as a hobby. Travelling there is still feasible, but I don't see any point of doing that now, other than to say I was there, and I was there several times already. I can go there to spend a year or two to visit and experience the area, and to write about it how our ancestors had experienced. But I have too many fun and exciting works here to spend time away from where I'm now.

In the revision, I'll include the paths I wanted to follow. (Dec-25-97)

8 years has passed after I wrote on my plan of travelling Silk Road someday. During that time, lots of things has happened on my side and thinking on that trip, it's quite close to making it in near future.

Not only there are many commercial travelling packages are developed, but I laid out details of travelling Silk Road for 2 weeks during the last couple of years. From the year 2000, I visited Asian countries quite often, which rekindled my interest in travelling Silk Road.

Even with detailed plan already, I didn't go there yet, as I made other priority trips to various places, and trekking Silk Road is still not a priority yet, partially because I can visit there pretty easily without restrictions. Being able to get there easily loses the desire to visit the mysterious land.

But what's gonna be sad is: about 10 years ago, I was quite fluent and knowledgeable with languages spoken around the Silk Road area, but now I can't even read alphabets of many local languages there which I learned before. That means I have to rely on people who can speak English in the area, which will limit my understanding of the area and my interaction with the local people.

One advantage now is that I can record the trip well with digital camera and laptop to store the architectural and the painting images of what I will see.

(Added on July 4, 2005)